A camping getaway...

We knew it would be hard to go on a trip without Ayden. We knew we didn't really WANT to go. But then again.. kind of had to. You see, we scheduled our camping trip to Yogi park in February 3 months ahead of time so we could go in May with our 3 kids. But then Ayden broke his arm in may, and because he couldn't get his cast wet, we decided to reschedule it to June. So he could get wet in the splashpad, and swim.. Ugh. Little did we know, we wouldn't have our little man on the trip we had talked about for months. The camping trip Darryl was SO excited to take his boys on. The trip that I had been looking forward to for months because it would get us out of the house and away from the stress of cleaning/always having to have the house clean because it was on the market. JUST to have time to spend playing with my boys in the woods & water, and cuddling my newborn baby girl, so awesome! 

But we didn't get that. That was IMPOSSIBLE.

We debated even going. He was SO excited for the trip. How could we go without him? But then Caleb was excited for the trip too..and he is HERE. WITH us here. We had to take him. We HAD to go for the children we had here with us.

For them. And for us too.

So we did. It was beautiful. It was SO hard. It was necessary.

The cabin was beautiful. Just what we were expecting and wanting when we booked it 3 months prior.

Had a kitchen, a master bed, a little living room, and oh, and upper loft.

with TWO beds. 

Two. Perfect.

All I could do when I looked at those beds was think of HOW much fun my boys would have had together on those beds! Why Lord why can't I just see my boys jumping around up there together? It seems like such a simple request. 

We quickly unpacked and headed for the splashpad...Caleb didn't want to wait any longer and I wanted to stop staring at the stupid loft.. so off we went! I wasn't happy about it. I didn't want to be near water, I didn't want to see a pool or any little 3 year old boys running around with their families when I so badly wanted mine! But nonetheless, my feelings weren't worth disappointing Caleb. We had to face it eventually, here it was, a month after the accident, and Caleb's wanting to swim in a pool.

He's 6. He loves the water. Ayden loved the water too..
My thoughts torment me sometimes..

But..

The entire trip was worth it..

Why, you ask?

to see them laugh like this..

to see her reaction to the cold water..

to watch Caleb just enjoying some time with his Daddy..

 to let her feel the sand for the first time..

 cute little feet.

to watch them fish again...even though they both missing their fishing buddy..

 to watch him re-grill his grilled cheese from dinner. (he's so goofy)

 to be STILL for awhile and take in the paintings God gave us in the sunsets. 

They were painted orange because it's Ayden's favorite color, and we needed to see that... I just know that's the reason, ok?

 to see her hair curl for the very first time..

{Oh you know you see it sticking up there!}

 Our first trip without Ayden...or was it? He seemed to be there. In every laugh, every sunset, every tear, every smile from his brother & sister, in the orange golf cart we drove around in... everywhere. He's with us and will always be with us because we aren't separated forever...just for now, one day we'll see him again.

 But for now... we miss him SO much it hurts... Kaelyn summed it up pretty well.

 First trip. Check.